so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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