It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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