guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
