You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
