happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Boobs are out for the taking
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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