Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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