Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
