We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
