i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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