He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
