Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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