obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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