You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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