Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
