well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
