the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
