this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
