Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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