could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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