Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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