I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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