new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
