You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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