I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
