When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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