Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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