Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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