If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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