I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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