Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
