I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
