im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
