Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I have so many feelings about this burrito
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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