he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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