I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
