i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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