I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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