I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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