You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
