you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
