ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
