I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
