my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
