he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You are a genius and a whore.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
