if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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