Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize