Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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