A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
