Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
