Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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