I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
