At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
