hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
