Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's rum buckets o'clock
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
