i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
