I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
