____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
