11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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