nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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