I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
