Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
