I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
and she was petting her beer can
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
