I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
3 2 1 whiskey
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
