It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
