you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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