I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
