If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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