please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
