hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
