Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
