I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
