the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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