I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
