nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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