My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
