I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
