How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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