yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
