JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
